exhausted, in pain, busy and exhausted

fox_635754970968246412_Afterlight_EditOne morning on our trip to Scotland in 2013, we woke up before anyone else in Edinburgh and saw this fox. We followed it’s path for a while until it went down this narrow alleyway. Then the little guy turned around as if to stay “stop following me you weird-os”

I wish I had more time in the day to get things done, like devoted time to this blog. But, I have had so much going on this summer and dealing with the exhaustion I have and the pain that never seems to waiver, I haven’t had a lot. I’m hoping that my rheumatologist appointment next week will shed some insight.

I’ve decided I am going to flat out ask “Is this as good as I can expect it to be?” Because if it is, maybe I need to do some re-re-evaluation.

That’s a double re because I have re-evaluated before, probably more just once (just slightly). I’ve already concluded there are many things I can’t physically and mentally do. Perhaps it’s even less.

I have had a lot on my plate this summer, and I’m gearing up for a super busy semester. I just want to get to the other end of it, get through it and pass my classes. Is that too much to ask?ย To be able to accomplish that ย in one piece?

The life of someone with chronic illness is full of this inner dialogue. Filled with all the worries and tasks you need to accomplish like everyone else. But you also get “Will all this make me so sick I can no longer do anything?” and the always fun, “Am I just going collapse one day because I really can’t handle all of this shit?”

I just gotta keep going as best as I can, and hope if I do collapse one day its on a giant pile of clean, lavender scented pillows with lullabies being gently whispered in my direction.

3 thoughts on “exhausted, in pain, busy and exhausted

  1. It’s a tough question for sure! I often ask myself is this as good as it gets? I can never get an answer from anyone which really blows!!! Hang in there x

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